


Pringles

by fragilecapricornpanic



Series: PRE-WRITTEN, Pre-Canon Sibling Encounters [61]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Canon Compliant, Canon Gay Character, Diego Hargreeves is Bad at Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Ghost Ben Hargreeves, Good Sibling Ben Hargreeves, Good Sibling Diego Hargreeves, Humor, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Pre-Canon, Protective Ben Hargreeves, Sibling Bonding, Soft Diego Hargreeves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:53:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26402986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragilecapricornpanic/pseuds/fragilecapricornpanic
Summary: “It’s not me you need to say sorry to.” Ben muttered, clearly enjoying his ride on his high horse. Klaus rolled his eyes into the back of his head. “Yeah,” he snorted “like I’m really going to go over and be likeoh hi, I fucked your-“ Diego slammed something down on his counter to shut Klaus up, making Ben flinch the same as he had when the knife skimmed past him. “Why areyouflinching?!” Klaus yelled, wondering if Ben’s brain was dead along with the rest of him. Ben shrugged awkwardly, seeming rather embarrassed.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Diego Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves
Series: PRE-WRITTEN, Pre-Canon Sibling Encounters [61]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1869709
Comments: 6
Kudos: 109





	Pringles

**Author's Note:**

> Not really that mature but rated that way for swearing and slight sexual references

Although Diego didn’t know what the other _”person”_ was saying, he couldn’t stop himself from looking from thin air to Klaus and back again, as though he were watching a tennis match. Because it was entirely one sided, Diego was unable to understand what the argument was actually about. It seemed like Klaus did something wrong, which Diego was having to prevent himself from snickering at. He didn’t want to disrupt the argument and end his entertainment. It shouldn’t be funny, but it kind of was - in an insane way. Usually it just made Diego depressed when his brother would talk to himself, but this was kind of enthralling. Of course Klaus would make even his own subconscious angry. Diego spun his knife in his hand absentmindedly, trying to make sense of the discussion. 

“I can’t believe you’re really defending this!” Ben groaned, pausing his pacing to glare at his brother fiercely.

“There’s nothing to defend!” Klaus hissed, kicking his feet into the floor with frustration. 

Pulling his hands from his pockets to smugly cross his arms, Ben narrowed his eyes even further at his brother. “He was married.” 

Klaus scoffed, rolling his eyes irritatedly. “Barely.” 

“How the hell can you be _barely_ married?!” Ben threw his head back in despair. “You either are or you aren’t!”

Picking the polish from his nails so frantically that bits were flying off into the air like a wood chipper, Klaus shrugged. “I didn’t know at first!” Klaus defended himself.

“Yeah, _at first_.” Ben deadpanned, throwing his hand up irately. 

“It was too late by then!” Klaus yelped, facing his brother again to send puppy dog eyes. “It was like...” he gestured vaguely “once you pop you can’t stop!” he blurted, unable to think of a better turn of phrase.

Ben gaped his mouth in disbelief. “Did you just quote freaking _Pringles_?!” he spluttered, barely able to speak with his utter exasperation.

Diego squinted at his brother. He might not have known what he was arguing about, but even Diego could assume that was a stupid reference. As he listened more, and it dawned on him that Klaus was discussing things he _really_ didn’t want to know about - Diego panicked and threw his knife in between Klaus and his hallucination. His brother gasped like Diego had just slaughtered an infant. “What the hell was that for?!” Klaus squawked, clutching his chest in a way that Diego could tell was purely for effect. “I don’t wanna hear about that shit!” Diego exclaimed, for some reason glancing back over to the thin air - feeling guilty that he could’ve spooked it. “Well nobody asked you to listen, you nosey fuck.” Klaus pouted, crossing his arms huffily. “You’re in my apartment, jackass.” Diego groaned, getting up to retrieve his knife from the wall. His landlord was going to kill him.

Klaus sheepishly peeked over to Ben, instantly looking back to the floor once he found his brother scowling at him. “I’m sorry!” he yelped, feeling remorseful after all of Ben’s nagging. Klaus threw up his **GOODBYE** to Diego, sensing he was going to have the stupid idea that Klaus was speaking to him. “I’m not talking to you.” he grumbled in Diego’s direction. Maybe if Diego actually listened to Klaus when he insisted Ben was a ghost, he wouldn’t keep incorrectly thinking he was being addressed. Diego shook his head pettily as he walked past on his way to the kitchen, spinning his knife between his fingers. “It’s not me you need to say sorry to.” Ben muttered, clearly enjoying his ride on his high horse. Klaus rolled his eyes into the back of his head. “Yeah,” he snorted “like I’m really going to go over and be like _oh hi, I repeatedly fucke-_ “ Diego slammed something down on his counter, making Ben flinch the same as he had when the knife skimmed past him. “Why are _you_ flinching?!” Klaus yelled, wondering if Ben’s brain was dead along with the rest of him. Ben shrugged awkwardly, seeming rather embarrassed. 

“Stop discussing... _that_ ,” Diego grimaced, almost shuddering with disgust “or get out.” he bluntly instructed, stressfully tapping his fingers on the counter. He’d just spilt coffee all over when he slammed his cup down - but he needed to shut his brother up before Diego became scarred for life. God help the poor soul Klaus was imagining his argument with. Klaus held up his hands in surrender, showing off his stupid palm tattoos. “You look like an idiot, you know that?” Diego teased, pointing from palm to palm with the tip of his knife. 

“Some people like my hands.” Klaus taunted, making a crude hand gesture purely to make Diego feel uncomfortable. It would be worth getting stabbed. Nobody goddamn asked him to eavesdrop! Diego clenched his jaw so profoundly that it looked like the joint was spasming. “You’re the most insufferable person I’ve ever met.” Diego fumed, taking his anger out on wiping down the coffee he’d spilt. Klaus stifled a giggle, knowing Diego caused that mess just to shut him up. “Have you met Luther?” Klaus wheezed, raising a dubious eyebrow at his brother. Diego hated Luther more than that guy’s wife would hate Klaus! Diego frowned for a moment before begrudgingly nodding his agreement. “You’re still an asshole.” Diego grumbled, grabbing another piece of tissue to wipe up the mess. Klaus casually nodded his agreement too, Diego was absolutely right in that observation.

”So are you actually going to tell me what you’re doing here or can I just assume you’re hiding from some girl’s husband?” Diego murmured, throwing the tissues into the waste paper basket across the room. Klaus laughed so hard he made himself cough, that reaction had been so unexpected that Diego almost jumped. Diego narrowed his eyes at Klaus, and Klaus narrowed his eyes at Diego. “Are you...” Klaus scanned his vision across Diego’s face curiously “...kidding?” he mumbled apprehensively. Diego tilted his head to the side, furrowing his brow even more. “What about that would be a joke?!” he snapped, growing rapidly more irritated by his second most insufferable sibling. Klaus looked back up at the thin air and smirked slyly. “What?!” Diego grunted, glaring at the thin air too, as if it would give him an answer. A nonexistent person would probably be more coherent than Klaus.

“Don’t ask me?” Ben muttered confusedly, wondering why the fuck Diego was glaring at him. Well, kind of... he was about two feet off. It was close enough, Ben would take it. Usually Diego acted like he didn’t exist.

“Don’t ask him!” Klaus snipped at Diego, gesturing towards their dead brother. Diego rolled his eyes, seemingly barley resisting slamming his own head into the countertop. “No, I’m not hiding from him.” Klaus purposefully used a male pronoun. He didn’t give a shit if Diego knew he was gay, but it was honestly kind of fun the longer it went on that Diego believed he was straight. Maybe he’d lied on a few occasions and talked about guys he was seeing as if they were girls... but he just couldn’t bring himself to end this entertaining little misunderstanding! Klaus didn’t have much fun in his life, he’d milk this for all it was worth. He and Ben would keep assuming the jig was up when he’d accidentally say something gay, or turn up in a fishnet rainbow shirt - but it was like Diego had blinkers on. He could probably catch Klaus with a guy and ask who the chick was.

”Well if it’s not that, then what?” Diego finally brought himself to grouchily mumble. He glanced back up from the countertop and saw Klaus’ signature facial expression. “No.” Diego bluntly responded. “Come on, _please_!” Klaus begged, pouting like a spoilt brat. Diego shook his head, struggling to believe that even someone as stupid as Klaus would continue to ask something he always knew the answer to. “I’m not giving you money, maybe you should get a job like an actual grown up.” Diego patronisingly suggested. “One that pays taxes.” he added on pettily when Klaus opened his mouth to respond.

“I’ll just have to get it from somewhere else.” Klaus attempted to manipulate his brother, even though it never worked. It was worth a shot, god loves a trier. It was true anyway, he’d still get the money - it just wouldn’t be as easy. Diego shook his head grumpily. Miserable bastard. “Fine, I’ll just get arrested...” Klaus drawled schemingly as he stood up from his brother’s couch “...or murdered.” Klaus looked to Ben as he made his way towards the door, wondering if Diego seemed like he was being persuaded. “No, you idiot.” Ben replied curtly. Klaus sighed and turned to spare Diego one last pleading glance as he opened the door. “Pretty please.” he whined, trying to look as pitiful as possible. Diego pulled out his wallet and sauntered over to the door. Klaus’ eyes grew wide with excitement, he couldn’t believe it actually worked for once. “Here.” Diego softly uttered, placing a bill into Klaus’ already outstretched hand. Klaus grinned with relief, glancing down to the note.

“A fucking _dollar_?!” Klaus groaned as Diego shoved him out of the open door, and promptly slammed it shut. “Asshole!” Klaus yelled, halfheartedly kicking at the door. Ben looked unbelievably smug as his seance brother dejectedly staggered off.


End file.
